At around 7 p.m. on a rainy June day at the train station, when Jiajia came to get me, the first thing she said was not a word about the weather or the train but rather about her future: “I want a baby.”
Jiajia didn’t get the joke; she was serious. She had sent me an email with a link to a foreign sperm bank, an assistant to “shop” for her without a doubt. To me, at the time, it seemed like she was only making fun of her parents, who were continually pushing her to get married. Now, in the rain, she meant it with all her heart.
Jiajia was by 25. She “climbed” her way up to a career in the finance sector and was making $4,000 a month while I was still “studying” for college exams. Her parents, however, did not care about any of that. In their eyes, her life was not going to be “complete” unless she got married.
The Relentless Marriage Push
When Jiajia became 18 years old, her mother, Auntie Juan, started sending her on blind dates. “You will regret it if you wait!” she would claim. “All the good men that are left will be already taken!”
Jiajia was stubborn. At first, she’d say she loved her freedom – the power to travel, use her money, and live without having to check with her husband. The pressure, however, escalated. Relatives warned, “If you do not marry, who will burn paper money for you when you die?” Her father, Uncle Liu, added, “How do you think people will react to me if my daughter stays single?”
By 2022, Jiajia had experienced a multitude of uncomfortable, even slightly humorous, but mostly just awkward, setups. In one instance, a middle school educator was revealed to be my ex-biology teacher—learning this made both of us very uncomfortable.
The Turning Point
Then Jiajia met Jiang Ping, a 33-year-old divorcee who’d purposely selected single motherhood by way of sperm donation. Using a Danish sperm bank, Jiang became the mother of a healthy baby girl. Her journey intrigued Jiajia.
“Why suffer in terrible marriages when I can just have a baby by myself?”
Her parents were appalled. “A fatherless child? That is a bastard!”* Auntie Juan cried. Jiajia had however calculated her finances: She was the owner of real estate, got savings, and was able to pay for IVF abroad.*
The Sperm Bank Gamble
Jiajia did a great job in California—she rented a tiny apartment and began hormone injections which cost her 1500 RMB per shot and she self-administered the injection into her stomach. The first time she did it she sobbed, trembling so much that she couldn’t push the needle in. By the fourth month, she was able to do it while scrolling through Instagram.
It cost her more than $20,000 to get her eggs out, then she chose the donor—6 vials of sperm, $6,500 total. The requirements? Tall, Ivy League-educated, and without any family diseases. However, there were still some doubts: What if the donor was dishonest? What if his sperm fathered 100 other kids?
The Battle Back Home
Their hearts melted as video calls with Jiang Ping’s laughing little one gradually made them more accepting. Uncle Liu finally sighed, “Okay. But the world won’t accept it.”
The first embryo transfer attempt failed. The second was successful.
The Aftermath
Jiajia gave birth to a healthy girl this June. When Auntie Juan held her granddaughter, she murmured through tears, “Let’s name her Yuanyuan – ‘complete’.”
Jiajia obtained the things she yearned for— a kid, however, not a spouse. She really asks herself if it was worth doing that. “Definitely,” she answers.
However, the way she went is not available to everyone. As Jiang Ping cautioned: “Single motherhood not only a choice. It is a privilege.”
—The End—
