In a situation when 9-year-old Lily came home fully soaked from top to bottom, her mom Sarah immediately knew that something was not okay.
It was a heavy rain that September afternoon when Sarah passed by Lily’s primary school by chance. Being behind the fence, she noticed three girls squeezed together under a small pink waterproof jacket—the very same limited-edition Winnie the Pooh jacket that Sarah had bought for Lily.
After that, she could not miss her daughter.
Lily was on her knees in the mud holding her water bottle under a downspout to collect water while the others were laughing. When the bell rang, the three girls ran inside leaving Lily far behind, soaked and alone.
At dinner that evening, Sarah inquired only then: “Why exactly were you collecting rainwater in your bottle today?”
Lily looked at her plate. “We were pretending. The princesses were them… I was the maid.”
Sarah felt like a bullet pierced through her being. Her shy, artistic daughter was so in need of friends that she had become their slave of her own accord.
The “Friendship Problem”
Sarah was later informed that it was not a one-time story. Several parents mentioned in a nonchalant manner that their children only played with Lily “if no other kids were available.” One of the classmates told Lily regularly:
- Was given detention for passing notes (that weren’t hers)
- Picked gum off the floors with her bare hands
- Had her glasses purposely broken by boys who found it funny
“I’ve had it with school,” Lily admitted one evening. “Recess never ends if you have to be alone.”
Buying Friendships
Trying hard to be of assistance, Sarah surfered through parenting forums and came up with a plan: curated friendships. She would be the one to select the most suitable classmates and facilitate the friendships through the strategic playdates.
Her first target? Emma, the outgoing daughter of the local grocery store owners. Sarah:
- Volunteered to drive both girls daily
- Packed identical snacks (Lily’s favorite part)
- Organized weekend study sessions (with “bonus” English tutoring)
The plan mostly went successful. For example, the girls bonded over shared cartoons and inside jokes. But Sarah noticed a disturbing relationship brewing between the families:
Grocery store owners: “Here’s $50 worth of imported fruit to thank you!”
Sarah: “Thanks, but it is not necessary! However, if you permit, maybe Emma could come over on Saturday?”
The deal fell apart as Emma said, “My mom says you’re cheating! You teach Lily extra English when I’m not looking!”
The Student Council Disaster
On the occasion of school elections in the fourth grade, Sarah identified the chance for Lily to enhance her self-esteem. She helped developing a speech about Lily’s artistic accolades and community service.
Immediately, the sabotage began.
Boys imitated Lily’s poetic lines ironically. Popular kids made memes that ridiculed her poster. The worst part was that Sarah found out that some parents were:
- Getting speech coaches ($75/hour)
- Creating campaign videos with professional editors
- Taking groups of kids to fancy restaurants to “discuss voting”
After Lily tearily exited the scene, Emma’s mom phoned to make an offer: “We can get your husband that paperwork he needs if Lily votes for Emma.”
The Aftermath
The election turned into a violent scramble to grab power. At the last debate, students threw around insults they’d suffered during recess as ammunition:
“Emma points with her middle finger!”
“Emma once splashed me at the water fountain!”
When it was over, neither of the girls got the first-possession. But destiny had something else prepared for them, without any parental interference, Lily later decided to run for class representative… and won.
The Lesson:
Lily and Emma were joking together several months later. Sarah saw the error in her ways. In her attempt to fabricate the ideal friendships, she had taken away from Lily the difficult, frustrating, but ultimately the
grown social life experience that children get from.
Sometimes the most effective way to support is by simply being there—not to dictate.
What are your thoughts? Have you witnessed parents attempting to “manage” their children’s friendships? Please share your stories below!
